In this episode we’re talking about something that many people don’t even realise they’re doing—gaslighting themselves.
“Have you ever told yourself, ‘I’m just being dramatic,’ ‘Maybe I’m overreacting,’ or ‘I shouldn’t feel this way’? That could be self-gaslighting.”
When we hear “gaslighting,” we usually think of manipulative relationships—someone intentionally making another person question their reality. But what happens when the person doing the gaslighting… is you?
Self-gaslighting is the subtle, often unconscious habit of minimising your feelings, invalidating your experiences to make it more palatable for others—or for yourself.
This behaviour most likely stems from:
- Childhood experiences (e.g., invalidation by caregivers)
- Traumatic relationships
- Societal conditioning (especially around emotions)
Shaped by years of messages like:
“You’re being too sensitive.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“You’re just overthinking it.”
Some examples of self-gaslighting are:
- Telling yourself your boundaries are “too much”
- Dismissing your gut feelings
- Minimising your own pain
It can sound like:
“Maybe I’m just imagining things.”
“I’m probably overreacting.”
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“They didn’t mean it like that.”
And the most dangerous one:
“It’s not a big deal.”
When you gaslight yourself, you disconnect from your inner compass also known as your intuition. You stop trusting yourself and you become your own worst critic, always second-guessing your emotions. Over time, this erodes your boundaries, confidence and even your sense of reality.
The signs of self-gaslighting are:
- Chronic self-doubt
- Feeling like your emotions need to be justified
- Apologising constantly or second-guessing your decisions
Healing can start when you give yourself permission to:
- Feel things without judgment.
- Name experiences, even if they were messy or complicated.
- Say, “That hurt,” without needing to justify it.
- Sit with discomfort instead of dismissing it.
How to Stop Self-Gaslighting
- Name it
- Awareness is the first step. We can ask ourselves what is going on within and around me.
- Learn to notice the internal language of gaslighting.
- Validate your emotions
- You don’t need “proof” to feel something.
- Emotions are data—not directives, but they are real.
- Reframe your inner dialogue
- From “I’m just being sensitive” → “I’m allowed to feel this way.
- Set emotional boundaries with yourself
- Catch the urge to immediately explain or downplay feelings.
- Seek support
- Therapy or talking to a trusted friend. Journaling can help express oneself and see patterns.
“Was there a recent moment where you dismissed your feelings? What did you tell yourself in that moment?”
As we wrap up this episode. You’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’ve just learned to survive in a world that didn’t always make space for your feelings.
But you can unlearn it, and you can stop gaslighting yourself.
You deserve to be heard.
